|Travis (torachan) wrote,|
@ 2003-09-21 05:03 pm UTC
|Current music:||Jimmy Eat World - My Sundown|
|Entry tags:||fic, fic:jude law/ewan mcgregor, using words (wip)|
Authors: kyuuketsukirui and diamona
Fandom: The Establishment (RPS)
Pairing: Ewan McGregor/Jude Law
Disclaimer: So. Not. Real.
Notes: Sequel to It's Only Sex and Between Mates
The street is deserted this late at night, his footsteps echoing hollowly between the tall terraces. Jude fumbles for his keys and pauses outside his front door, looking up. There's a low glow coming through the window of the flat but it's probably just the hallway light.
"Hi Honey, I'm home!" he yells smirking, before tossing his keys on the hall table. It's dark in the main room so Jude flips on the light in the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. Surprisingly, there's still some beer in there. He's probably had enough to drink down at the pub though, so he pulls out the milk, drinking it straight from the carton.
There's a good chance Ewan's gone down to the West End to some club or other and won't be back for hours. Jude has the place to himself for a bit. He wanders back into the sitting room thinking about watching telly or maybe a video. He's not going to sit up and wait for Ewan, oh no, but... His foot connects with something lying near the sofa and he almost trips. It's one of Ewan's shoes. Surprised, he peers round. Up the hallway he can just see the low light coming from under Ewan's door. He is home then after all.
Kicking off his own shoes, Jude pads up the hallway. He is just about to knock before barging in when he realizes he can hear low voices coming from inside the room.
Jude beats a hasty retreat but before he can get very far the door swings open and out steps, not Ewan, but some dark haired bloke. He's carrying his shoes in his hand.
"So where's the phone then?" the guy asks, looking over his shoulder. There's a slight edge to his voice when he adds. "That is, if you don't mind me waiting for a cab."
"No problem," Ewan says, tugging on his jeans as he follows the man out into the corridor. "Phone's out on the little table by the sofa."
"Right. Thanks." Ewan's date turns and heads up the corridor. He halts suddenly when he sees Jude standing there, his eyebrows shooting up. "Well, what have we here? Hello darling."
Cool blue eyes rake Jude up and down before the man's face slowly twists into a knowing smirk.
"Uh... hi," Jude says, somewhat at a loss for words. "Beer?"
"No thank you sweetie. I'm just leaving." The guy smiles. "Although I suppose I could be persuaded..."
"Cut it out, Brian." Ewan frowns, his eyes flicking over to Jude. "He's...he's straight." Pushing past Brian, he makes his way to the living room. "Phone's right there," he says, pointing to it before turning and heading into the kitchen.
"No, it's all right, love." Brian's blue eyes twinkle with amusement as he bends to slide his shoes on. "I can tell which way the wind is blowing here... I'll just hail a cab on the high street."
He gives a little wave and heads off down the hallway. "Ta ta, luvvies. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
The door slams behind him and Jude breathes a guilty sigh of relief. He turns to Ewan, loitering in the kitchen and raises his eyebrows. "New boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend?" Ewan snorts. "Not hardly. Don't think I could stand that for more than an hour or so. Brilliant shag, though. You want one?" he asks, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"A shag?" Jude smiles crookedly. "No, I think I'll pass. Beer would be good though." He takes the proffered beer from Ewan's hand and settles himself on the sofa. "I didn't think you were in."
"Huh? Yeah, I guess it's pretty early, but you know." Shrugging, Ewan follows him out of the kitchen. He flops down on the other end of the couch and cracks open his beer. Grinning at Jude, he adds, "I got what I was after."
"Good for you." Jude sips his beer thoughtfully. "So, what did he mean? 'Which way the wind is blowing'?" He looks at Ewan. "Did he think you and I...?" He waves his beer in between them, pointing first at Ewan and then at himself. "Well, you know..."
"Apparently so," Ewan answers, slightly irritated. Is it really that farfetched? "Anyway, you're home early, too."
"Yeah, yeah... Jonny copped off with some bird so there didn't seem to be much point in me sticking around."
Jude puts his feet up on the coffee table. "I was thinking of watching some telly or something. So, where'd you go then? Anywhere interesting?"
"Nah...same old thing. What's on telly, then? If it's rubbish I might go out again." The remote is, for once, sitting on the coffee table and not buried in the sofa cushions. Ewan nudges it towards Jude with his toe. "Can't believe Jonny copped off and not you. No taste, that girl, eh?"
"Well, he spotted her first... I wouldn't want to stand in the way of a beautiful friendship," Jude sniggers, reaching for the remote. "Speaking of which, you didn't have to send that guy home on my account. I'm not going to get ticked off if one of your boyfriends stay for breakfast. I mean... you don't have to act careful to spare my delicate feelings."
Ewan rolls his eyes. "I didn't send him off to spare your delicate feelings, I did it to spare my sanity. Like I said, he was a good fuck. I don't need to have him hanging around after."
"Well, all right..." Jude doesn't particularly like Ewan's tone. "I was only saying... only you've been acting all careful, since the other night, and I don't like it. You know? You can still walk into the bathroom for a piss if I'm having a shower. You can still make stupid jokes about my boxer shorts at breakfast. You don't have to... treat me with kid gloves or anything."
"It's beginning to piss me off," he adds sulkily.
"Oh, come off it. I haven't," Ewan retorts, but his words lack conviction. He hasn't meant to; he's tried to act as if nothing happened, only sometimes it gets weird.
"Anyway, I'm hungry." He stands suddenly and stalks into the kitchen. "Have we got anything here? Maybe I should go out after all."
"Well, there's the remains of yesterday's Chinese if you want to heat it up... chip shop might still be open on the high street." Jude takes a gulp of his beer and turns on the TV. He's about to tell Ewan he doesn't care if he goes out, he can fuck off for all he cares but... knowing Ewan, he would probably do exactly that.
Frowning, Jude flicks through the channels and then sighs. He looks over at Ewan. "Look... it's just... I don't want it to be weird, that's all."
"Meaning I do?" Ewan pokes around a bit, but there really isn't much besides the Chinese. It's not even anything good, mostly just rice. Whatever. He doesn't really feel like going out again, despite what he'd said. He puts the carton in the microwave and waits for it to heat up.
"Of course not!" Jude says hurriedly. "I never said that at all. I don't mean you're... like... doing it deliberately. It's just the other night in the pub you were like... making sure you didn't touch me. And that was even weirder than if you'd been all over me. And when you sit on the sofa you're always... right up the other end. You don't have to, you know... really."
He pats the sofa next to him. "So... come on over and bring that Chinese."
The microwave dings and Ewan takes the carton out, stirring it around a bit to see if it's warmed through. Good enough. Grabbing another fork, he heads back to the sofa and sits down, closer this time, his thigh touching Jude's. "Here." He hands Jude a fork and starts eating.
"Look, 'm sorry, all right?" He says with his mouth full.
"Nah, 's all right, you know." Jude digs in, suddenly realising he is quite hungry after all. He's very aware of Ewan's knee pressed against his own but... it'll pass. At least it's not that wary distance.
There's not really enough rice for both of them and only just enough of the black bean beef, or whatever it was, to give the rice flavour. Politely Jude puts down his fork and lets Ewan finish off the carton. "That's better," he says and wriggles a little to make himself more comfortable. His arm stretches along the back of the sofa, fingertips just touching the back of Ewan's neck. And suddenly he's very aware of that, too.
He doesn't know why he starts stroking Ewan's neck. He doesn't whether it's to prove something about how he cool and un-weird he is about everything or whether it's just because his fingers are idle and want something to play with. He thinks maybe it's just because he wants to and he wants Ewan to turn to him and... then he doesn't want to think too hard about that at all.
It takes a few minutes for it to really register that Jude is...what? Playing with Ewan's hair? Sort of lightly massaging his neck? Ewan freezes for a moment and then relaxes, leaning into Jude's touch as he finishes off his dinner. The television is still on, but he's not paying attention; he doesn't think Jude is either.
There's no more Chinese food left, but putting the empty carton on the table means leaning forward, away from Jude's hand, and there's no guarantee that his hand will still be there when Ewan sits back again. So he hangs on to the carton and takes a sip of his beer, instead. Unfortunately after a few drinks the beer is empty as well.
Now he's self-conscious because he's sitting here like an idiot with a pile of rubbish on his lap. And he's getting hard.
Right. Fuck this. Obviously Jude's "I don't want us to be weird" means "Let's have sex again, now". All right. Fine with Ewan.
He leans forward, half-placing, half-dropping the empty carton and can on the coffee table, and then quickly turns back to Jude. There's always a chance that Jude wasn't thinking about what he was doing, that he wasn't consciously coming on to Ewan, and Ewan doesn't want to give Jude a chance to think about it now, if that was the case. Hell, even if Jude was aware of what he was doing, Ewan doesn't want to give him a chance to think about it, because then he might change his mind and that's the last thing Ewan wants. Hand on the back of Jude's neck, Ewan pulls him in for a kiss.
Eagerly, Jude responds. He had almost been frightened that Ewan would pull away, get angry with him for teasing him but no, that had never been his intention. He'd wanted more of this: Ewan's lips hot upon his own, Ewan's tongue sliding into his mouth, Ewan's arm pulling him closer and closer... He pulls away slightly.
"I just thought," he says lightly, "that your bed is probably all messy after that bloke's been there and I just wondered..." He smiles shyly and then takes a deep breath. It all comes out in a bit of a rush. "I just wondered if you wanted to share mine again."
Ewan blinks, surprised. "Yeah, all right." He'd been aiming for casual but doesn't quite pull it off. "Now?" he murmurs, tugging at Jude's earlobe with his teeth.
"No, next week..." Jude says, squirming under Ewan's touch. He smiles again. "Of course I mean now. Unless..." A sudden thought occurs to him. "Unless you're knackered or something."
"I'm not fucking knackered or something, no," Ewan laughs. "What I meant," he presses his palm against the bulge in Jude's jeans, "is are we moving to the bedroom now, then?"
"Seems as good a time as any," Jude gasps breathlessly. Fuck, this is moving fast, but he can't put the brakes on now. He stands, pulling Ewan to his feet. "Come on then."
Following Jude into his bedroom, Ewan unbuttons his jeans and starts pulling them off. It makes walking a bit awkward, but it means he's already naked by the time they're through the doorway. He doesn't bother asking whether he should get the lube this time. He's sure Jude'll just say no again, and he doesn't really want to hear that. Besides, he's already been fucked once tonight, and is still pleasantly sore from it, too. So, fine. Whatever. He doesn't need Jude to fuck him.
Not bothering with the main light, Jude turns on the bedside lamp, almost knocking over his pile of books in his haste. Shirt. Then shoes. Then socks...and, sitting on the bed to make it easier, jeans and underpants. Jude concentrates on getting his clothes off, sneaking the odd glance at the naked man in his bedroom. Ewan's skin glows in the warm golden light. He looks beautiful. So does his smile.
Standing again, Jude stretches out a hand and instantly Ewan is in his arms, pressed up against him, hard cock grinding against his hip, just as his own is crushed warmly between their bodies. He moans, writhing against Ewan and then leans in to kiss him.
Ewan kisses him back hungrily as he maneuvers them onto the bed. They end up side by side, Ewan's leg thrown over Jude's hip and oh God, who was he fooling? He does want Jude to fuck him. Badly. But he doesn't want to risk rejection, so he scrambles to get into a different position, trying to get his mind off it. He scoots down the bed, kissing and sucking and licking his way down Jude's chest and belly to his cock.
Oh yes, this is more like it. This was what Jude was thinking about all that time Jonny was chatting up that girl. This is what he has been thinking about when he jerks himself off in the shower - Ewan, his tongue warm and wet, his lips firm and confident, sliding down over the head of his cock and sucking him in.
"Oh God," he whimpers. "You're so fucking good at this. So fucking good..."
Smiling around Jude's cock, Ewan hums happily. Part of him is saying of course he's better than anyone Jude's had before, seeing as that "anyone" amounts to a handful of teenage girls. The other part, the greater part, really, is just inordinately happy that Jude thinks he's good. Ewan wants him to keep thinking that.
Pushing Jude's legs further apart, he runs a finger down the cleft of Jude's arse and over his entrance. His mouth still working Jude's cock, he rubs his fingers over the puckered skin there, not pressing in yet, just teasing, testing Jude's reaction.
"No..." Jude squirms, clenching his buttocks. It's not that it feels bad, it's just that it feels strangely invasive. Or not so strange, really, it's the most private part of his body and he's not used to being touched there at all. And it might be dirty, or something unpleasant and embarrassing. He squirms again, lifts his head and looks down his body at Ewan. "I don't want anything up me, okay..."
If only Ewan's mouth wasn't quite so skillful he might actually be able to manage more. Jude lets his head fall back on the pillow, panting as he rocks up into Ewan's mouth, his legs slowly relaxing.
"Mmmph," Ewan says by way of acknowledgement, trying not to be too disappointed; it was only what he'd been expecting, after all. His finger slides once more over Jude's hole and then he puts his hands to work elsewhere, cupping Jude's balls and rolling them in his palm, his other hand kneading the inside of Jude's thigh. He swirls his tongue around the head and then deep throats him, sucking hard and swallowing around Jude's cock.
"God!" It comes out like a squeak. Jude has never felt anything like it before. OhGodohGod! He grips Ewan's hair, belatedly realising he shouldn't tug too hard, and throws his head back, letting go of any reservations now. This is good. So fucking good. Ewan swallows again, a sucking pulse running the length of his cock. He can feel it in his balls, he can feel it in his arse, he can feel it in his belly and his knees as the pleasure rushes over him and he is coming, right down inside Ewan's throat.
"Oh God..." he moans again, weakly petting Ewan's hair. As Ewan looks up at him, grinning, Jude tugs gently on his ears. "Up here, mate."
"Mmm, you taste good." Giving Jude's cock a final lick to catch the last drops of come still leaking from the slit, Ewan crawls up and kisses him. He bites Jude's lip playfully and grins. "You gonna do something for me now, eh?"
"Yeah, yeah... course." Jude kisses Ewan again and then pulls back. He still isn't used to the idea that he can taste his own come on Ewan's mouth.
"Lie back then." A little nervousness creeps into Jude's voice as he pushes Ewan back onto the bed. It's not just that he wants to please Ewan. If he admits it to himself, he is more than a little curious.
Carefully Jude slides his way down Ewan's body. His thumb rubs lightly over one of Ewan's nipples and he is struck again by the flatness and firmness of his chest. Jude slows, kissing Ewan's belly, getting and closer and more and more nervous. Finally he is nuzzling in the short hairs of Ewan's groin.
Curling his thumb and forefinger around Ewan's erection, Jude looks nervously up at him.
"Hey Ewan... earlier... did you shag that guy? I mean..." He looks dubiously at Ewan's cock, now mere inches from his face. From his mouth. "Well, you know what I mean," he mutters.
"Huh?" It seems like such an odd question, and Ewan's not sure what Jude's getting at. "...He fucked me, all right?"
"That's all right then..." Jude's fingers are still slowly stroking Ewan's cock. He frowns, watching his hand as it moves on the skin and the way Ewan's foreskin rolls and stretches as he pulls back. It's fascinating. Ewan sits up, leaning on his elbows, and looks down at him quizzically.
"Err... sorry," Jude mumbles. It's a little rude to keep Ewan waiting like this. "I'm just... I hope you're not in a hurry."
"No, 's all right..." Ewan pauses, and then adds, a little irritably, "You don't have to if you don't want."
"Oh, I want to..." Jude says defensively, although he's not even very sure about that either. "Just... God, I've never done it before all right?" And just to prove to Ewan he's willing, he bends that extra inch and licks Ewan's cock.
"Fucking hell," he says, somewhat taken aback.
"What?" Ewan sounds faintly worried.
"Well, it's supposed to be this big scary thing, right? And it tastes just like your fucking arm or leg or something... See?" Jude rolls so he can lick Ewan's thigh. "Leg," he runs his tongue up Ewan's cock again, "dick... leg, dick... Not much different at all."
"'cept for you, of course," he adds.
Ewan stares at Jude for a moment, speechless, before collapsing back onto the bed and dissolving into a fit of giggles. "You..." is all he manages to get out between gasping breaths, but it doesn't matter, because he doesn't think Jude would appreciate being told he's cute. But he is. Cute and...earnest. Yeah, that's it. Cute and earnest, and Ewan can't stop laughing. It's not even that funny, it's just...nervous energy or something, though he's not sure why he should be nervous, after all, he's not the one who's never done this before.
"Sor...'m sorry," he says, finally calming.
"Huh." Jude can't say he's impressed. Here he is trying his best and, while his efforts no doubt leave a lot to be desired, there's no fucking reason Ewan should be laughing at him. Well... not really. He snorts ruefully.
"Look, if you've got any tips..." Jude growls, even though he is half smiling, "now is probably a good time to mention them."
"Look, I'm not laughing at you for that, it was just...never mind, all right?" Ewan sighs and smiles up at Jude. "Just do like I did, yeah? 's not hard, really."
"'s easy for you to say," Jude grumbles, under his breath. He frowns again, considering his options.
What do I like? What feels good when Ewan does it?
Slowly he runs the circle of his thumb and forefinger up the shaft and follows his fingers with a firm lick. He tries to press as hard as he can, flattening his tongue against the silky skin. Again and again he licks, growing in confidence until he can actually swirl his head over the very tip of Ewan's cock.
That gets a bit of a reaction, Ewan jerking slightly underneath him. Jude glances up at Ewan through his eyelashes and smiles slightly. He swirls his tongue again, feeling how smooth and firm the head of Ewan's cock is and how the slit in the end makes a dip that invites a little probing lick. And that does taste different, sort of moist and musky and salty. Jude tries it out on his tongue, smacking his lips. He looks up at Ewan again.
"You taste all right."
"Good...thanks." Ewan grins, trying to remember if he was this tentative his first time. No, definitely not. He'd just gone for it. "Just...just keep that up then," he says as Jude bends down to lick the head again. Trying to be helpful, he adds, "You can use your hand, too, like. When you're sucking, yeah?"
Jude nods, wrapping his hand around the base of Ewan's cock. It makes it easier somehow, holding it more erect. Carefully he licks around the head again, finding Ewan pushing upwards gently, nudging against his lips.
One last swirl around with his tongue and this time Jude doesn't pull away. He wants this, he really does. Wants to experience this strange sensation of sucking a cock into his mouth, feeling it nudging past his teeth, hitting the back of his throat far too soon. He gags slightly, pulling away. How does Ewan do that?
But it's not as unpleasant as he feared. Again he pulls Ewan in, deep as he can and pulls back, his hand working in counterpoint. Yes, he's doing it. He's elated. He can even manage to slide his tongue around a bit next time he sucks Ewan down and at that he has to glance upwards again, checking Ewan's reaction.
Ewan's eyes are half-closed, and he watches Jude through his lashes. He moans, reaching down to tangle his fingers in Jude's hair. That was getting good; why'd he have to stop? "That's it...yeah." He bucks his hips slightly, urging Jude to continue. His tongue flicks over his bottom lip. "Don't stop."
Stop? Jude has no intention of stopping. He's got the hang of this now and, like everything he sets his mind to, he's determined to do it well. He hunches forward, getting a better angle and dives down again, taking Ewan even deeper. His hand tightens around the shaft, pulling firmly as he sucks.
Ewan is breathing harder now, his fingers moving rhythmically through Jude's hair. Jude wonders if there is anything else he should be doing. He's really enjoying the way Ewan is beginning to squirm and moan. Tentatively he grips Ewan's balls, squeezing them a little. Ewan moans again and spreads his legs on the bed, giving Jude all the access he needs.
It's fucking thrilling. The noises Ewan is making, his little unconscious movements, his utter vulnerability. Jude loves it. He pushes a finger down behind Ewan's balls, seeking, sliding it between Ewan's cheeks and then, just as Ewan did for him, runs his fingertip around and around the hole until it naturally finds the centre. Almost before he knows it the very tip of his finger is pressing inside and Jude almost forgets to keep sucking. Almost.
"Ungh, fuck...Jude..." He's a fast learner, Ewan has to give him that, and for all his earlier hesitation, he seems eager enough now. Squirming, Ewan tries to push down on Jude's finger.
Jude just loves the way his name sounds on Ewan's lips, low and breathy and needy. He loves the way Ewan writhes, trying to get that finger in deeper. And really, it just seems to slide in of its own accord, pushing easily into the slick warm passage. Jude catches his breath, almost expecting to be repelled, but there's nothing revolting about it at all, just Ewan, pushing, trying to get more. He wonders idly if he should use two fingers because, after all, earlier on Ewan had another man's cock up there... and at that thought, of Ewan lying there gasping and moaning and bucking under someone else, a pang of hot and unexpected jealousy shoots through him and Jude redoubles his efforts, sucking harder, pushing two fingers inside Ewan, making him writhe and clutch his hair even tighter.
His mouth is getting tired now though and his jaw is beginning to ache. Jude pulls back, letting his hand take over for a bit as he nuzzles at Ewan's belly, looking up at him
"Give me fair warning, okay?" he murmurs softly, his tongue stealing a long lick up to Ewan's navel.
Ewan nods and grunts. Warning. Right. At Ewan's muttered "faster", Jude picks up his pace and Ewan moves with him, thrusting into his hand and then rocking back onto his fingers. God, it's just almost-but-not-quite there, until Jude's fingers brush over that spot and oh, fuck. "Close," he pants, pushing down. "D'that again...nngh, please..."
God, he's gorgeous like that. Jude risks a last lick of Ewan's cock and then brushes his lips over Ewan's balls, feeling how tight they are underneath the skin. He bends his elbow, pushing in hard, because that makes Ewan gasp and pull his legs up, bearing down on his fingers. I'm fucking Ewan with my fingers, he thinks to himself in amazement. Ewan's got to be nearly there because his eyes are screwed tightly closed and his head moves distractedly from side to side. Again and again Jude pushes forward with his fingers, pulls upward with his hand, push, pull, push, pull as Ewan pumps his hips and moans.
"I want to see you come," Jude whispers.
In a matter of seconds, Jude gets his wish. Hands twisting in the sheets, Ewan writhes, bucking up, his cock pulsing in Jude's hand as hot come paints his belly. "Fuck, Jude," he gasps. He sinks back onto the bed, feeling loose and boneless and utterly relaxed. "Mmm..."
"That was... brilliant," Jude breathes. Carefully he withdraws his fingers and examines them but there's no sign of anything dirty, just the faint glistening sheen of lube. "And highly educational," he adds, changing his tone of voice to one far more cheery and lighthearted. After all, Ewan would never let him live it down if he sounded too impressed by the whole business.
Sliding up the bed he snuggles up to Ewan happily. "Hey... thanks."
"Not bad for your first try," Ewan teases. Jude has his head on Ewan's chest, and Ewan unconsciously curls his arm around Jude's shoulders. It feels a bit weird, lying here like this. Comfortable, but...weird. Once he starts thinking about it, he has to force himself not to pull away. Clapping Jude on the back lightly, he grins. "Not bad at all once you got going there. You can practise your technique on me any time."
"Sure, teacher." Jude laughs. "Do I have to pass an exam at the end of the course?"
"Nah." Ewan grins. "Blowing the teacher gets you out of that sort of thing."
"Yeah well, it's a useful skill for an actor to have, I reckon. Never know when you might have to blow the director..." Jude laughs, still a little too pleased with himself to notice Ewan tensing. "But look, like I said, thanks for putting up with my ineptitude. I can only get better, right?"
"Yeah, and I'm sure there'll be no shortage of blokes willing to help you out there," Ewan replies, a little tightly. "Anyway, I've gotta piss." Extricating himself from Jude's embrace, he gets up and makes his way across the room, stooping to pick up his jeans on the way.
Stretching out comfortably, Jude thinks that maybe he should go to the bathroom too. Maybe after Ewan gets back. It's only when he hears the bathroom door open and the door to Ewan's bedroom close that he begins to suspect Ewan isn't coming back. He sits up and looks around. Ewan's jeans are gone.
With a sinking feeling, Jude swings himself out of bed and pads up the hallway. Ewan's door is firmly closed and there is no light coming through the gap below.
It was just sex after all. Nothing personal. No reason to get all cuddly afterwards and pretend it was anything more than just getting off. Still, Jude can't seem to shake the feeling of disappointment. Perhaps he did something wrong.
The light is still on in the bathroom. Jude takes his time. He makes plenty of noise too, flushing the toilet, washing his hands thoroughly, cleaning his teeth and all the while listening out for Ewan's door opening. Nothing. Eventually he just has to head back to his room and his empty bed.
Fine. Ewan can be like that if he wants. Angrily, Jude closes his door behind him and then reconsiders. He's being silly. Ewan can sleep wherever he damn well wants to and it's no skin off his nose. He opens his door again, just a crack, just in case and climbs into bed.
Even so, it's a while before Jude finally falls asleep, his arm curled around his pillow.