|Travis (torachan) wrote,|
@ 2010-06-19 01:04 am UTC
I have been friends with Yash two-thirds of my life (I will be 34 next week; I met Yash when I was 10, though we didn't really become friends until a couple years later). We were closest in high school, but still stayed friends when she went to college out of state, then moved to Montana for a few years. We were closer again when she was back in LA. We drifted apart again in recent years after she became a parent and didn't really have time for anything but her kids. But I still thought of her as one of my closest offline friends.
Despite that, I was wary of coming out to her. She is a conservative Christian and while that on its own doesn't necessarily mean anything, I also had prior experience to go by. When our friend Alexander came out years ago, she not only did the whole misgendering/wrong name thing (still does), but was in contact with his mom several times to try and stage an intervention. So I worried that if I came out to Yash before coming out to my mom, she would tell my mom before I was ready. I wanted to think she wouldn't, that she had changed over the years, but as it turns out, I was right to be wary. [ETA: I just wanted to acknowledge that I acted like an asshole when Alexander came out, too. I can blame it on my own issues and other stuff that was going on, but none of that justifies my actions. The difference is, I'm not that person anymore, and Yash clearly still is.]
When I found out from my mom what she'd done, I wanted to send an angry email immediately, but I never got around to it. It was just easier to not engage her at all. We hadn't talked in months (I had wondered if she was just busy/rather talk to her other friends who have kids about parenting stuff, or if she was ignoring me because she'd figured something was up), so I just deleted her off AIM so I would stop seeing when she was online and went on with my life.
Then the other day I got an email from her (a mass email, not personal) saying that after almost a year and a half, her mom had found out that she'd lied about her most recently adopted daughter (long story short: she knew her mom (whom she lives with) wouldn't approve of her adopting from overseas due to the cost, so she told her mom she adopted from the state and that this daughter was the half-sister of her other daughter - very Christian of her, right?).
I thought that seemed like a perfect opening to email her, so I finally did last night. I can't remember exactly what I said, but it was a fairly short email and I said I hoped she liked it up there on her Christian moral high horse and then called her a fucking hypocrite, because JFC it never once occurred to me to tattle to her mom that she had lied about her daughter. We are adults!
Anyway. I got an email back from her this morning which I archived unread. I can't deal with reading it right now. I don't know when or if I will, but it's there if I ever do.
ETA: I may not answer comments to this post right away (or at all, idk), but I appreciate them all.