Entry tags:

porn logic

I've been meaning to make this post for ages, mainly for kakeochi_umai, though others may find it amusing as well. Following are summaries of the hentai anime videos I've translated so far.

From a Kiss
This pretty average romance was the first one I translated, and I foolishly assumed it was representative of the rest of the stuff. Ha! Anyway, the basic story here is a...college-aged, I think, guy runs into a girl he had a crush on in jr high and they start dating again, but it's a long-distance relationship. Meanwhile, one day he's falsely accused of molesting a girl on the train, and thinks to himself that he'd never touch her because he has Chihiro.

But then sometime later the train girl (I think her name was Rei) spots him on the beach and comes over to apologise, saying she knows he didn't do it, and to make it up to him, would he like to go on a date with her in Tokyo. The day of their date is the day before he's going to a concert in Tokyo with Chihiro, but he thinks he'll be able to do both, and at this point he's only thinking of it as a platonic date with Rei. While they're in Tokyo, she ends up wanting to stay really late and they follow this guy home, who turns out to be Rei's dad, who left her and her mom when she was little. She's upset seeing him with his happy new family, and they miss the last train so they have to get a hotel. He calls Chihiro to say he can't make the concert, and when he comforts Rei, they end up having sex. Meanwhile Chihiro asks her boss at work to go to the concert with her as he'd expressed interest in the band.

The next day, the guy and Rei run into Chihiro and her boss, and they both think the other was cheating on them. The guy is really hypocritical about it, since he's the one who actually slept with Rei, whereas Chihiro didn't do anything (and even if she had, uh, he still slept with Rei!). After they're broken up, he runs into a girl who's walking her dog on the beach. She loses hold of the leash and while they chase after her dog, they end up both getting soaked in the ocean. Because the guy lives near the beach, he says she can come back to his place and shower and wash her clothes.

Of course while she does, Chihiro calls and the girl answers and says the guy's in the bath, giving Chihiro the wrong impression. He and the girl become friends, totally platonic, though then later they do end up sleeping together, but she's the one who finally gets him to get back with Chihiro, who is obviously his soulmate because they liked each other in jr high.

Aside from all the sex scenes with different people, this could totally be a romance book because of that plot.

Mei-King
I only did the first two of four episodes of this, so that's what I'll summarise. First off, it's based on a game, so at the beginning you get this huge chunk of exposition to tell you what happened in the game. Cain was a shepherd who found a magic lamp and unleashed a fairy who told him where to go to save a princess, which he did, and now in this story, he's been given some land to rule, and depending on how well he does over the next few years, he could be able to marry the princess and take over the kingdom.

The first episode has him meeting a pseudo Japanese swordswoman and though they clash at first, eventually he hires her on to train his army and they also end up sleeping together (and she falls in love with him). The second episode centres around a duel between the swordswoman and a fighter for this other guy who's trying to win the princess's hand in marriage. Whoever wins gets this piece of land that has been contested between the two lands for generations. Mainly Cain has lots of sex with the swordswoman because she might die the next day in battle, but of course she doesn't.

Presumably the other episodes work on getting Cain together with the princess, since that seems to be the main plot, but as of now she's still a little girl and this was not that sort of anime, so he had to sleep with other people.

Twisted Sisters
Oh, this one was fun. It starts off with two sisters, Midori and Miku, who've just lost both their parents in a car accident. Midori, the older sister, tells Miku they're going to live with her fiance, whom Miku didn't even know existed. As it turns out, he's not her fiance at all, but a man who works for some mysterious organisation which trains and sells sex slaves to wealthy customers. He came to Midori after the funeral and said she and Miku had no choice but to come with him or they would be killed.

So now it's his job to train them to be perfect sex slaves. That's pretty much all the anime is, him training them. Then it turns out that Midori knew him when they were kids and they kind of fall in love. It also turns out that he was approached by this organisation the same way Midori was, but instead of being forced into sexual slavery, he was forced to become a trainer, which in the end is kind of the same thing. He was told this would be his last job, but then after he's trained them, he's told oh no, you still have some debt to pay off, and it's obvious he's never going to be free, so he ends up killing Midori and then committing suicide. Miku is left to be a sex slave, but she's brainwashed so she doesn't remember her sister or any of this, and thus will be "happy" not knowing anything else.

House of Bondage
Oh man, this one was crazy. Another sex slave one. Reika and Yukio were raised as brother and sister, but she's not related to him and they have always been in love with each other. When Yukio's father dies, he asks Yukio to look for his cousin and have him come live with them. Yukio never knew about any cousin, but he does as his father asks and the cousin, Hayato, comes to live with them.

Hayato tells them that the reason their fathers, who were twins, had fallen out with each other was over a woman. They both fell in love with the same girl, and in order to settle the matter, the made a bet and whoever could make her his sex slave won and got to marry her. Yukio's dad was the winner (great thing to learn about your parents, eh?).

Hayato then says that because he is older, the family inheritance should have gone to him if not for this bet, and he won't give it up, or settle for anything less. He proposes they do the same bet again with Reika. Neither Yukio nor Reika are thrilled with the idea, but eventually they go for it, figuring that since she's in love with him, they will easily win.

But with his BDSM techniques, Hayato starts to get the upper hand. Turns out Reika is kinkier than she thought and she becomes dissatisfied with Yukio's vanilla sex. Then Hayato sets it up so a couple whores come and seduce Yukio, and Reika walks in on them.

She runs away and gets raped by this gross old man in the forest, but ends up enjoying it, too. She then hates herself for it and tells Yukio it's not working out with them and he needs to do something better to win. He finds his father's diary and learns the techniques that his father used to win over his mother, which he then uses on Reika (basically, lots of kink, especially humiliation).

But somehow it all makes him go crazy and in the middle of fucking her, he has a heart attack and dies! Then Hayato comes in and he's also kind of in love with Reika at this point, and kind of crazy, and he starts kicking Yukio's dead body and ranting. Reika shoots him and he dies, too.

It ends with her going crazy herself and having two babies, one who looks just like Hayato and one who looks like Yukio, and the voiceover implies that it will all happen again.

Shoyonoid Mako-chan
Oh my God, this was the worst, worst, worst. First off, the animation, never great in any of these, is some of the worst I've ever seen. It also, from some of the writing here and there, appears to have originally been Korean and dubbed very badly into Japanese, with the speech in some cases coming several seconds after the mouths have finished moving.

Anyway, the story is of this girl who is a typical magical girl superhero. But then one day in battle she gets beheaded. Her boyfriend carries her body back to her father's lab and he somehow manages to transfer her consciousness into a robot body. Only problem is, the robot body is of a prepubescent girl.

She wakes up and goes to find her boyfriend and they end up having a lot of sex, despite her, you know, looking like a little girl! (This is totally "have your kiddie porn without the guilt of her being an actual kid!") After he comes inside her, they find out that's how her superpowers are now triggered. So not only is her boyfriend a huge perv, but so is her dad for setting it up that way. Ew.

Anyway, she can now defeat the bad guys, but she has to power up with sex beforehand. *headdesk* It ends with her dad creating a new robot body at her original age.

Campus
Now we're back to another pure romance, no kiddie porn or sex slaves. There is pseudo incest, though! Takakage and his step-sister Maiko live alone after their parents' death. They've also, it turns out, both been having strange dreams about themselves in the Sengoku era, which their neighbor says are of their past lives.

The neighbor, Mayumi, has had a crush on Takakage forever, and when she tells his fortune and sees that it says he'll fall in love with someone he meets in the next few days, she disguises herself as a new student at the college and asks him out. They start dating, but after they sleep together, she takes off her wig and in a dramatic reveal tells him what she did.

Meanwhile on one of their dates they'd happened across this shrine, where they met a priestess who looked just like the girl in Takakage's dreams of his past life. Once he and Mayumi have broken up, he starts dating Ayame, the priestess.

It turns out that she actually is the girl from his dreams. Literally, not just reincarnated. She cast a spell when he died in battle, trying to save his life, but it ended up making her immortal instead. And yet somehow even though she was still alive, her soul was reborn as Maiko. In the end, Ayame kills herself so Maiko and Takakage can be together.

Idol
I only translated the third and fourth episodes of this, but it gave enough backstory to figure out what was going on, thankfully. Rachel is an orphan who was raised in a convent. As a teenager, she's adopted by an uncle she never had, and he promises to make her into a high society lady. Unfortunately this actually means being trained to be an "idol", which is basically a sex slave. I missed the episodes that were about her training and just came in on the part where she's at a ball with other idol trainees and will be judged on her performance. She passes the test with flying colors, despite overhearing some men talking about Prince Andrew, her boyfriend before she came here (I don't know how she got involved with a prince; I didn't see those episodes!), being engaged to her best friend Beth.

But she's still worried about Beth and Andrew, so she runs away in the middle of the night to find him. She plans to come back by morning, but she loses her way. As dawn breaks, Beth finds her while she's out walking her dog. They go back to the villa Beth's staying at and Beth explains there's no truth to the rumor, but confesses that she is also in love with Andrew. Then she and Rachel have sex! As you do.

Rachel's uncle's servant comes for her in the morning and she's in big trouble. But the episode ends with her starting to be tortured, which seemed an odd choice for this sort of video. Usually they show that sort of thing in detail!

The next episode starts with her taking a job as idol to de-virgify some young noble boy. While at the whorehouse where she sleeps with him, she runs into Marcia, a girl who used to bully her at the convent school. Marcia's family fell on hard times and she's now a whore. One of her biggest clients is a mysterious masked man who can't get it up. Marcia figures out that it's Rachels' uncle and tries to blackmail him, but Rachel has her killed.

When she goes to ask her uncle about his little problem, he tells her that it's not a war wound as he'd told Marcia, but the real reason he can't get it up is because he had always been in love with his sister, Rachel's mother, but then she was made an idol and eventually died, and he can't get it up for any other woman. Rachel is touched by his "romantic" story and says she'll help him.

He runs away, though, to a room in the castle where it turns out he's actually been keeping his sister's mummified body. Niiiice. Her spirit comes down and blesses them and they have sex on the floor in front of the dead woman.

Tres Marias
Oh man, this one has everything. Fuwa is a doctor who got kicked out of the university hospital he used to work at because he couldn't keep his hands off the nurses and patients. Now he has a private practice which is pretty much dead because of his horrible bedside manner, so instead he spends his free time screwing his nurse.

Until, that is, he gets a call from an old colleague, who asks him to help with a case. There's a young woman named Makoto who falls into a deathlike sleep every night and no one can figure out the cause. She's a nun-in-training at a church on a small island, so Fuwa goes to check it out. He examines her and two other nuns-in-training in a very perverted manner. Eventually it turns out that the weird symptoms are caused by a devil-worshipper casting spells, but they can't figure out who's behind it. Finally it turns out to be the priest, who actually died hundreds of years ago and in death made a pact with the devil. He's been sacrificing nuns here at his church. The three nuns-in-training chant "tres marias" three times and banish him to hell.

Special Lessons
This girl is completely obsessed with a really jerky guy. He threatens to dump her if she doesn't get him a job at the all-girls school where she teaches. She gets him a substitute job there and he starts raping a bunch of students while forcing the girl to videotape it all. Basically the whole thing (two episodes) is more of the same. Finally his time at the school is over and even though he promised to come back to videotape girl once he was done, instead he marries one of the other teachers there. In revenge, videotape girl plays the videos of him and the students at his wedding reception and it ends with her saying now he has no one else in the world but her. Romantic!

Lewd Angels
Three girls go wild with a video camera. First one of them films her brother so they can all see what a real penis is like. Then they film as one of her friends has sex with said brother. Then they decide to film themselves doing stuff. First one fingers and licks the other until she comes, complete with female ejaculation. Then they move on to fetish videos and start filming this one girl peeing in public in various locations. And...that's pretty much it! This one was only one episode. Really low quality, too, though not as bad as the magical girl one.